Sex. Who really knows sex? I mean, we've all had sex, great sex even but when you get down to the details, how many of us actually see sex for the raw, primal act that it is?
I thought I knew sex. I've had sex. Heck, I've felt lust. Once, I've even felt love. I thought I knew exactly what sex was.
Until I met Cade.
He's the meaning of sex.
He's a biker.
He wants me.
My world is about to change, for the better? I don't know. But here's my story, I hope you're ready for it because it's not the beautiful, heart wrenching story most people have to tell. It's passionate, forbidden, morally incorrect and downright, fucking beautiful.
He leans closer, lifting his heavily ringed fingers to stroke my cheek so lightly, I tremble.
“You’re the kind of girl that makes a man want to stop what he’s doing, just so he can get a moment to look at that angelic face – a face that will keep him awake for the rest of his fuckin’ life. That’s the kind of girl you are, sugar.”
I swallow, feeling my body coming to life beneath his touch.
“I think you’re wrong,” I breathe as he leans even closer.
“I’m not wrong. I’ve seen a lot of people in my life, and I’ve been with a lot of girls. None of them are as real as you. I’ll fuck you, sugar. I’ll claim you because you’re the meaning of need. You’re what I’ve been lookin’ for.”
Is he serious? I tremble as he moves even closer, bringing his lips only millimeters from mine. I swallow over and over, trying to think of anything else but him. How could he possibly want me that much, after a mere week and a bit? It’s not possible; he doesn’t know me. He just wants something different, a challenge perhaps? I don’t know, but I do know he’s completely wrong about me.
“I’m not what anybody looks for. I’m not what they fight for. I’m not what they breathe for. I’m not the girl you think I am.”
He leans down, shocking me as he slides his lips over mine, gently at first, then roughly when I begin to respond. I can’t help my hand, as it lifts up to wrap around the chain on his jeans. I tug it, bringing him closer. His boots crunch in the dirt as he takes a step closer, pressing his body against mine. I open my mouth, allowing his tongue to slide in and tangle with mine. His fingers travel up my neck, over my cheek and then he thrusts them into my hair, tangling it around them. The kiss is the kind of kiss that stops your breath, the kind of kiss that stops everything. For a split second, all I can feel is him. When he pulls back, I snake my tongue out and lick the last of him off my bottom lip.
“You might not think you’re worth fighting for, or breathing for, but let me tell you, sugar – everyone deserves to be fought for, even those who think they aren’t worth it.”
“Fuckin’ love you, sugar. You know that, yeah?”
I nod. “Cade, I know that. I’ve known that for a while now. The thing is-”
“I want you to know how much.”
Stubborn man is cutting me off at the one moment I want to tell him I love him.
“I know how much, the thing is-”
“Sugar, you’re fuckin’ changin’ everything I am.”
“You’re changing everything I am too, that’s why I wanted to-”
“Sugar, fuck,” he growls. “Do you ever stop talkin’ for five minutes?”
“I’m trying to-”
“Sugar!” he says, tugging my hands. “Shut the fuck up!”
“Why?” I cry.
“Because I’m tryin’ to fuckin’ ask you to marry me.”
My entire world stops. I feel like I’ve been punched in the chest, but in the best possible way. He wants to marry me? Cade Duke – big, bad biker – wants to marry me? I feel my eyes burn with unshed tears, as a feeling of pure joy rushes through my body.
SYNOPSISSpike knows tragedy, he knows that feelings are better left hidden. He refuses to put his heart out there again, it's a pain he's not willing to ever let himself feel. He's got a mission. He's got a goal. Nothing is going to get in his way. He will seek his revenge.
But then there's Ciara, the sister of his deceased wife. She's beautiful and damned determined to throw herself into his life in hopes they can reform an old friendship, but Spike won't hear of it, and Ciara refuses to give up.
Who will win the battle of wills?
“No, I guess I didn’t. I wanted to, but then Cheyenne came in and you took a liking to her, so I didn’t bother.”
“I went to her, and I fell in love with her, but she wasn’t what I wanted for myself, Tomcat. I wanted you, but you wouldn’t give me a God damned inch.”
“You didn’t think of telling me?” I snap, crossing my arms. “You didn’t think that maybe you should have said something before you just ran off with Cheyenne?”
“What was the fuckin’ point? You couldn’t fuckin’ see it. I tried, fuck knows I tried, and yet you didn’t see me. I was sick of tryin’. Cheyenne threw herself on me, and I thought what the fuckin’ heck?”
I feel my body begin to shake. “I didn’t see it, Spike. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, it was because I was so scared I would ruin everything if you knew how I felt.”
“Fuck, Ciara, I was constant with you. I picked you up every mother fuckin’ day, I spent every mother fuckin’ weekend with you, I was there all the time.”
“I know that!” I cry. “God, Spike, I know you were ok? I didn’t see it. I was young and I didn’t fucking see it. Then she came along and I stopped believing there was a chance. It was not just on me, or you, it was on us both. We both walked away without telling each other there was so much more to it. I know what I gave up, I know I passed you over to her, and I regret it every day.”
“I don’t regret it, Tomcat. I loved Cheyenne, and I don’t regret marrying her…bu-”
I get to my feet, hurt. His words are something I already knew, but it’s the way he said them. He grips my arm before I can spin away, and yanks me back down. I land harshly, and slap his hand away but his grip is too strong, and I can’t get my hand out of his.
“One fucking moment,” I spit. “One fucking moment can’t go by without her being better. One fucking moment, I’d like to mean a tiny bit more than her. You can’t fucking see it, can you? You walk around with those stupid fucking rose colored glasses on, unable to see anything she did. I never doubted you loved her Spike, I knew you did. I saw it. I lived it. But for one fucking moment I wish it was me.”
I jerk my hand out of his grip, and spin, getting to my feet and turning to walk off.
“It was you,” he yells, stopping me in my tracks. “I don’t regret her, Ciara. Not for a fuckin’ second, I don’t regret lovin’ her, I don’t regret marryin’ her. Cheyenne changed my life, she changed a part of me, but you, Ciara, were the one who opened my heart. You were the first one to claim it, and you were the one who fuckin’ tore it out of my chest the day you ran off. You never gave me a mother fuckin’ chance to explain myself to you. I woke up after we slept together, and you were gone. Couldn’t fuckin find you. It was you who took my heart, and you who fuckin’ broke it. She picked the pieces up when I couldn’t find you, and so I stopped fighting. Cheyenne might have had me in the end, Tomcat, but my heart was always yours first.”
“I am proud of myself,” I scream so loudly the entire bar goes silent. “I am proud of everything I’ve done, and that includes him.” I jab a finger at Spike. “He’s everything to me, and he was everything to me before Cheyenne came along. If you want to hate me, go right ahead. It’s not like I haven’t lived my entire life with the same emotion being tossed at me on a daily basis. I am sorry Cheyenne is gone, but it isn’t my fault. It was never my fault. She wanted Spike, she pushed for him, and you can blame me as much as you want for that, but she was a big girl and she made her own choices. I’ll never be sorry for being with him now, because I love him. I’ve loved him far longer than she did, and I’ll love him until I stop breathing. Maybe it’s wrong, maybe it’s disgusting, but it’s my happiness and you know what?” I get to my feet, my legs shaking. “I fucking deserve it!”
Then, with legs that don’t want to move, I walk out of the bar. I get to the parking lot before they catch up with me. My mother grips my arm and swings me around, her face wild with emotion. Then suddenly, she lets me go. Her eyes widen and she takes a few steps backwards. I turn slowly, and see what she sees. Spike, Cade, Granger, Muff and about ten other bikers are standing in a massive line, glaring at her. She stumbles backwards, and clutches my father’s arm. Spike steps forward until he’s in their faces.
“You ever lay a mother fucking hand on her again, I’ll kill you,” he hisses at my father, and then he turns to my mother. “And if you ever call her another trashy name, I’ll knock you the fuck out. I will only say this once, so you fuckin’ listen and listen good. Cheyenne made her fuckin’ choices, and her choice was me. She put herself in my life, and she chose to stay there. Ain’t Ciara’s doing, and it wasn’t my doing. I loved your daughter, I loved her with everything I knew how to love with at the time, I took care of her, and then I fucked up, and she’s gone because of me. I’m not sayin’ I’ll ever forgive myself for that, ‘coz I won’t, but it can’t be undone. As for her,” he points a finger at me. “She’s been my fuckin’ heart since the day I laid eyes on her. She’s been treated like a fuckin’ dog by you two, and her sister, and she didn’t deserve that. You have done wrong by her, and you fuckin’ know it. You will never admit it though, because you’re too fuckin’ selfish. You can call me every name under the sun, you can disown her and treat her like a dog, and you can think whatever you want about the situation, but the reality is that I fuckin’ love Ciara, and I’ve loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her. Don’t mean I didn’t love Cheyenne, ‘coz I fuckin’ did, it just means I probably didn’t love her as much as she deserved, and she did fuckin’ deserve it. The truth of the matter is that my heart has, and always will, belong to Ciara and there ain’t no fuckin’ way I’m livin’ another second without her, because of shit that went on in the past.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Bella Jewel is an Aussie girl through and through. She spent her life in Western Australia, growing up in many different areas of the state. She now currently lives in Perth with her husband, children and mass amounts of pets. She's crazy, fun, outgoing and friendly. Writing is her passion, she started at the young age of 18 but finally got the courage up to publish, and her first novel Hell's Knights will be released in August 2013.
AUTHOR SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS
(2) Signed copies of Hell’s Knights (Open Internationally)
(2) Signed Copies of Heaven’s Sinners (Open Internationally)
(4) $25 Amazon Giftcards