Sunday, November 17, 2013

A Mostly Non-Bookish Post by Kait.

I really need to be honest with myself, and the followers here and just tell you that I am freaking burnt out right now. I'm at one of those places in life where I'm feeling lost as all hell and I don't know why. Not like overly depressed, want to give up type of lost. More like damn, why can't life get out of my way lost.

Now, if you've followed me through blogging this past year or so you'll know that I'm not one to post overly personal things about myself. I just feel like I need to explain what is going on because I seriously love the blogging community. I love the people I've met, I love reading, and I love reviewing. And most of all I love sharing something with the best friend I've ever had, Bethany.

A teeny little background story from me: I was born in Rhode Island. It's the smallest state, and hardly anyone knows anything about it, but I love it. My family moved to Florida when I was eight and I never got over it. At seventeen I went on vacation to Rhode Island and never went back. At twenty five I decided to move back to Florida because I missed my mom and my two brothers. My younger brother[who wasn't born until after I moved] barely even knew me. So, I got a transfer through my job and packed up seventeen boxes of books[for real] and said goodbye. I lived alone for two and a half years and now I'm living with my mom, her boyfriend, and my seven year old brother. It's been an adjustment.

Since I've been here I've been working like crazy, and things have been pretty good. I got a promotion and a brand new car. I love spending time with my mom and brothers[though I don't see my older brother as much as I want]. BUT there's something missing. And maybe if Beth wasn't such an awesome friend I wouldn't feel like that, or maybe I would. I'm not sure.

You may have noticed the lack of posts lately. Well, I haven't been posting because I haven't been reading half as much as I used to. Now, I have still gotten excited about books, and I still poke my head out of the blogging hole to post for authors I love, but my heart isn't in it like it used to be.

I've been pretty blah since moving. It has definitely had an effect on my book life. I still add books to my TBR pile, I still gaze at them in stores, and prowl sites looking for something new. But that's it. My goal for this year was to read 100 books. I've read 55 books this year. Last year I read 101. I don't know if my mood and how many books I read are related, but I would say it's a safe bet that they are.

I hate feeling like I'm not doing good enough. Which is really silly. It's just a book blog right? Right. But it's mine and Beth's I love it. We've spent tons of hours reading, writing, creating graphics, thinking of ideas, and promoting. It's all been fun, but it's not easy. And it can get crazy intense in the blogging world. I feel like I've failed at something I really love doing and it makes me sad. I love being a Reading Vixen.

I want to say it will get better and I will read all the time and review and I will be an awesome co-blogger I swear! But it kind of feels like lying because I don't know that yet, it's just what I really want to happen. I hope that I can get myself and this blog back on track, I hope that I will soon feel my blogging fire burning again. So I will keep on reading because it's something I will always love.

And because for all of you who have stuck through this ridiculous rambling post I leave you with a quote that describes how I feel almost perfectly. It's from a book that really helped spark my love of blogging and inspired me in multiple ways[and go read it if you haven't]:

The book is Slammed by Colleen Hoover

“Sometimes life gets in your way.
it gets all up in your damn way.
But it doesn't get all up in your damn way
because it wants you to just give up and let it take control.
Life doesn't get all up in your damn way because it just wants you to hand it all over and be carried along.

Life wants you to fight it
Learn how to make it your own.
it wants you to grab and axe and hack through the wood.
It wants you to get a sledgehammer and break through concrete.
It wants you to grab a torch and burn through the metal and steel until you can reach through and grab it.

Life wants you to grab all the organized, the alphabetized, the chronological, the sequenced. It wants you to mix it all together,
stir it up,
blend it.”


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